Sometimes I have this troubling dream/nightmare. The scene is different but the essence is the same. It’s a point in time where I am being chased or hunted by someone or something ready to give me more than my share of ill will. Standing there, I am at the point of no return. I am trying to scream for attention; anything to make this go away. But I can’t get it out. Nothing comes out of my mouth. I am pushing air as hard as possible but it is like I have long term laryngitis. There is a very soft sound but nothing else. I’m paralyzed in my throat but no where else.
Painting today was very similar but with the focus on color. I have a most excellent and patient teacher and that really goes a long way in keeping this fun. Mind you my first painting is basic starter level. Limited color, limited light variation, and simple subject. A pear THANK GOODNESS!
Mixing colors, getting the right balance, keeping them as true as possible to what I see on the original is a daunting task. I equate it to what a writer must go through in finding just the right word to express the thought, action or emotion of a story. The nuance of the word (color additive) means everything. Then you have the blending and bleeding from one concept (color) to the next. There is an infinite number of ways you can combine words (or colors) and the choices can be overwhelming. It can quickly smack you down; letting you know how much you really don’t know, mister.
Then I stood back and realized- Isn’t this like all of life?: Hard, complicated, messy, choices galore. Sometimes it balances, sometimes not. Often it flows so well, with just the right nuance and seemingly no effort, only to snarl up and drop you to your knees.
Today, when I wanted to get the color so exact is where the wheels fell off. It gets “unfun” fast. Same in life. When I start to control too much, get too focused on outcomes, it gets “unfun”.
So- lesson for today. Absolutely practice and learn technique but at the same time don’t focus so much on the details that I loose sight of the joy of being able to manifest what I vision in my head. Work hard at seeing how I can improve but make sure that I’m seeing the whole picture along with the possibilities.
Live life without hard lines or exact colors.